The God of Job

Well mawnin' yall! 
Like my new hummingbird template? 
I know I do. 
My best childhood friend and I once caught/trapped a hummingbird at the cabin, which is risky business I might add.  I can't remember what we did with it, but I've always recalled feeling proud about that moment---so I'm comfortable assuming we miraculously saved its little life and set it free.  Sigh.  Such sweet passive aggressive Baptist babies we were. 


Speaking of Baptist babies, my brother and I were conversing via mobile phone from different parts of the great United States early this week, and he mentioned making a gift for a friend with a printed verse on it.  I asked him what verse-- I'm nosy.  He shared with me a passage that I've read and learned and heard my whole life- and it's in the book of Job.  God moved in me when Jake reminded me of the story and I've read and studied and listened to Job for days straight now.  Let's go ahead and call it obsession--I'm deeply obsessed with Job's story, and more than that I'm obsessed with Job's conversation with the very same God I talk to today.  If you don't mind, I'd like to bring you along to join in my obsession for a few minutes, and it begins with a question I have for you- What if all of the sudden you became painfully aware that God has seen every little thing you've been up to for your whole life?  I mean, I know we're aware that He's been there, but do you ever really think about the fact that He's not simply checking his voicemails for need-to-know details on the highlights of your day?  He's not just interested in the big or important stuff?  Have you contemplated the weight of the reality that He knows the motivations behind every decision you make, not just the action itself?  Okay, now go a step further---He not only knows why and what you're up to every second of every day, but he cares too.  God is many things, but indifferent is never one of them.  Maybe you have no trouble at all fully grasping this concept, maybe that's always your perspective, maybe it's Maybelline.
If I'm being honest, it's rarely mine.  In fact, I find myself 'accidentally ignoring' God's interest in my choices a lot like I 'accidentally ignore' my bank account after a Kohls spree. 
Hmm?  What was that Andy?  Oh they were having a sale...and I'll probably return most of it anyway, I'll check it out tomorrow.  Mmmmk? Mmmmk.
God sees it all, and He cares about it all.

OOFTA, as my grandpa Jerry would say.

Alright, so now back to the beginning- you suddenly become painfully aware of God's constant presence and His captivating interest in your thoughts, decisions, and actions.  And then..... God SPEAKS.  With a voice you've never heard but always known, He speaks.  God says to you that He has some questions for you, and He'd like for you to answer.
At that point, if I could even speak at all, it would undoubtedly be a very soft, very mumbled version of....... "I'd rather not, Lord."

Enter Job.

Job was a truly blessed man.  He had 7 sons, 3 beautiful daughters, a lot of farm animals (which back then was a direct reflection of wealth and status), and he was one of a few men that would present Himself to God blameless and faithful. 

Enter Satan. 
 
Satan tries to tell God that Job is only faithful because he's blessed.  God allows Satan to take away Job's blessings as long as he doesn't harm Job's body in order to test his faithfulness.  Satan strikes Job's children, his land, his home, his animals and storehouses.  Talk about a test!  Job does not curse God and remains true.  Satan then tries to tell God that Job is only faithful because his body has been spared, and that if Satan were allowed to harm him physically without killing him, then Job would curse God.  God allowed it.

Satan covers Job in painful boils from his head to feet, and tortures him.  Job calls for counsel from a few older wise friends.  Job's friends didn't help.  Job's wife asks why he doesn't just give up and curse God.  Job still doesn't turn his back on God, but as I would be, he starts to get a wee bit mopey.

I had my tonsils out last year, and  I remember begging for the immediate return of Christ so I would never have to swallow again.  I couldn't actually talk, but I somehow managed to let out a steady melody of moans and whimpers.  Job lost all he had lived for and then was covered in boils.  Ouch.

Job begins to question God.  He asks why he ever chose to live for God his whole life if torture was all he was to be given in return.  He asks God why he was ever even born!  I bet Satan was just giddy watching Job go all George Bailey on God.  Job chapters 29-31 outline a speech of defense and confusion from Job that could easily be read by Jack Nicholson in a courtroom scene.  If that was where the story ended, most of us would probably call Job's argument valid and agree with him.

Enter Elihu- a godly friend of Job's who is younger and bites his tongue while the older 'wiser' friends do pretty much nothing.  I will talk about Elihu in another post because he's just plain awesome.  Elihu rebukes Job's attitude and isn't afraid to do it.  Elihu spoke with wisdom beyond his years and was dead on.

Enter GOD.  Lord Almighty.  Creator.  Jehovah.  Elohim. 

I'll let Him speak.  

The Lord Answers Job- Chapter 38

38 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

² “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
³ Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.

⁴ “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
    Tell me, if you have understanding.
⁵ Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
    Or who stretched the line upon it?
⁶ On what were its bases sunk,
    or who laid its cornerstone,
⁷ when the morning stars sang together
    and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

⁸ “Or who shut in the sea with doors
    when it burst out from the womb,
⁹ when I made clouds its garment
    and thick darkness its swaddling band,
¹⁰ and prescribed limits for it
    and set bars and doors,
¹¹ and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,
    and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?

¹² “Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
    and caused the dawn to know its place,
¹³ that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
    and the wicked be shaken out of it?
¹⁴ It is changed like clay under the seal,
    and its features stand out like a garment.
¹⁵ From the wicked their light is withheld,
    and their uplifted arm is broken.

¹⁶ “Have you entered into the springs of the sea,
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
¹⁷ Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
    or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
¹⁸ Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth?
    Declare, if you know all this.

¹⁹ “Where is the way to the dwelling of light,
    and where is the place of darkness,
²⁰ that you may take it to its territory
    and that you may discern the paths to its home?
²¹ You know, for you were born then,
    and the number of your days is great!

²² “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
    or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
²³ which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
    for the day of battle and war?
²⁴ What is the way to the place where the light is distributed,
    or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?

²⁵ “Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain
    and a way for the thunderbolt,
²⁶ to bring rain on a land where no man is,
    on the desert in which there is no man,
²⁷ to satisfy the waste and desolate land,
    and to make the ground sprout with grass?

²⁸ “Has the rain a father,
    or who has begotten the drops of dew?
²⁹ From whose womb did the ice come forth,
    and who has given birth to the frost of heaven?
³⁰ The waters become hard like stone,
    and the face of the deep is frozen.

³¹ “Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades
    or loose the cords of Orion?
³² Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth^[b] in their season,
    or can you guide the Bear with its children?
³³ Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
    Can you establish their rule on the earth?

³⁴ “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
    that a flood of waters may cover you?
³⁵ Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go
    and say to you, ‘Here we are’?
³⁶ Who has put wisdom in the inward parts^[c]
    or given understanding to the mind?^[d]
37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
    Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens,
³⁸ when the dust runs into a mass
    and the clods stick fast together?

³⁹ “Can you hunt the prey for the lion,
    or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
⁴⁰ when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in their thicket?
⁴¹ Who provides for the raven its prey,
    when its young ones cry to God for help,
    and wander about for lack of food?....................

 

The Lord goes on and asks Job 147 questions (if I'm wrong on that I'm quoting my Bible College student brother).  He explains that not only does He set everything in motion, but He also commands its continuance.  He cares about where lightning strikes (this doesn't mean we shouldn't be weather alert:). He cares about where ravens get food for their young.  Job's suffering wasn't only allowed, but it was intentional-and not just for Job and his wife and friends.  My study Bible says the author the book of Job is unknown, as well as the  time it was written.  There are no historical references or landmarks in the language or dialect to give us any type of idea or way to put the story into chronological context.  Now this is just what I believe, but I think God wanted us to have a clear story, a clear depiction of an untainted eternal message outside of timelines and history- God is God.  Everything He does is intentional and planned for His glory and our well being.  Even the trials He allows in our lives are completely motivated by his complete and incomprehensible love. 

 

 

 

God pauses after chapters of majestic reminders outlining His unquestionable greatness, and Job speaks. 

 

42 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

² “I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
³ ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
⁴ ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
⁵ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;

6 therefore I despise myself,
    and repent^[a] in dust and ashes.”

 

Look around!  Everything we are and are given was created by and managed by the same God that loved us enough to give us another chance at perfection with HIM.  He tells the waves where to stop, He has seen the end of the world, He knows what's coming.  If He is big enough create, know, and care about all that, can't we have enough faith to believe that nothing in our lives is an accident? 

 

Here's my challenge to you-  It's easy to become far too comfortable and casual with the God of Job.  But He's our God too- and we  never want to forget how big He is. 
You've heard Him. 
You've learned about Him. 
Have you seen Him?
Have your eyes beheld the truth of who God is?  Study Him, know Him, love Him, SEE Him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back to Truth, Back to Jesus

I was practically born in church.
No, really.
My mom went into labor at church in Honolulu just three weeks after her 21st birthday, and I probably spent more time in church or participating in church-related events throughout my childhood than I did anything else. 

If you've read any of my other entries, you know by now that I'm extremely competitive, and I also happen to be a recovering people pleaser- so add all that up and I DOMINATED memory verse challenges.
 Every.
 Single.
 One. 
I would recite the Scripture, and then mentally spike God's word and do a Baptist-approved victory dance, which probably consisted of clapping to Victory in Jesus just a little off the beat and 'smiling with my eyes.'  I would ask for forgiveness after peeking through my fingers during the closing prayer.  I'd run through the sanctuary when people weren't looking.  I'd take seconds of cheesy potatoes and act like it was my first helping.  And I'd memorize Bible verses for praise and candy.

Between church and my awesome godly parents, I was daily immersed in God's word.  Scripture was woven into my mind and memory, as well as my pillow case and most of my screen printed tees.  As a parent, I'm more thankful for this than I ever have been.  God promises that His word doesn't return void, and that if we hide His words in our heart, it will help guide our path.  I don't regret learning a single verse, and if I'm being honest, I don't regret a single helping of cheesy potatoes either. 

I love cheesy potatoes.

All that said- pounding something into the short and even long term memory does not guarantee change, it doesn't touch your heart until your heart is ready.  In my case, I was so accustomed to the language that I got lazy and began to callous myself to the truth, and the truth behind the truth.  I wouldn't say I stopped appreciating my salvation, but I definitely numbed myself to the gravity of God's greatest gift, and that's bad potatoes folks. Rotten...left in the bottom of the pantry...search desperately for the source of the smell for 44 days bad potatoes. 

The thing with rotten potatoes is that they not only destroy your chance at enjoying the potatoes, but they also fill the rest of the pantry with a stench that ruins your appetite for anything inside.  The smell makes it hard to want to try, why go to all the trouble of cooking at all?  So you just settle for Chinese takeout.  Money out, carbs and MSG in.  Bad potatoes=no good for your health.  Revelation says that the Church of Ephesus left their first love, and I think that's a little like bad potatoes.  I might be reaching on this analogy.  Just go with it.

Anyway, I felt distance between God and I, and it felt like maybe I'd lost my first love.  I realized that it wasn't bothering me like it should and this was a problem, so I got to fixing my problem.  I tried to stimulate my emotions by digging into the details of the crucifixion.  If I could understand the physical pain Christ endured a little better, maybe I'd be given renewed purpose. 

Side note: I tend to tread lightly on the 'stimulating emotions' topic all together.  Growing up, I stood tall on the fact that Faith is not feelings.  True, it's not, but I now have a healthier understanding of why God built me to have the emotions and feelings that I have.  I believe He was intentional about emotion, and it is absolutely part of the designed creation that we are.  It's often noted that Jesus wept, and more than that-- I bet he laughed.  Side note on my side note (it's my blog, I'm allowed): When I'm in the darkest moments of my days, I think about Jesus laughing.  It overwhelms me.  That might be just me.  Moving on- I also believe God sometimes draws us to Him through emotion, He wants us to feel Him.  I do believe that emotions must be checked and not always acted on, and Faith is not based on emotions, but I truly wish having emotion or being emotional wasn't always portrayed in such a negative light, it's a fine line... just saying.  Okay I'm done. 

Back to my quest for understanding.  I tried to study the pain Christ probably suffered to put things in perspective, but it wasn't the physical torment that woke me back up to Salvation.  Watching the Passion of the Christ  isn't a fix for complacency.  I then tried to listen to different sermons talking about why it's just peaches to have a relationship with Christ.  I heard some preachers touch on the do's and don'ts and why we need to strive for holiness.  I thought yes, but being called a good person isn't a good enough reason to give my life to someone.  If I wasn't already a believer, I wouldn't want to give up a life of doing what I want right or wrong for a good-person medal, or slap on the back.  Other preachers would talk about how God will bless your life if you live for Him.  Okay but come on, I knew that.  I believe it, and it's great, but the possibility of a blessed life didn't awaken my passion either.  The most articulate, eloquent preacher couldn't help me rediscover the fire I needed.  Notice all the "I" in these attempts?

Then one night I was reading in I Corinthians 2, and something in me stirred.  Paul writes, "And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. ² For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. ³ And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, ⁴ and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, ⁵ so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."  Wait.  So I couldn't revive my own soul?  Answers weren't the answer?  I was then reminded of a passage in I John.  "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are."  So if I approach Him humbly, He'll do the rest simply because He loves me?

It wasn't about being inspired by fancy words, it wasn't about being motivated by possibilities of blessings, it wasn't about being frightened into submission by man-made standards...it has always been about being loved by Jesus.  Paul says he didn't come with lofty speech or wisdom, he purposed to know nothing except Yeshua, Jesus.  It's always about Jesus, it's always about Love.  We love him because HE FIRST LOVED US.  He started this love thing, and let me just tell you little lady-- Love is bigger than any motivational sermon or possible reward could ever be.  Chapter 2 goes on to explain that we as natural people cannot even comprehend this Love, it's conveyed to us through the Spirit as only the Spirit understands God's unconditional love for us. 

Wow!  When trying to renew purpose in my Christian walk, I assumed I needed to simply gaze at the Cross or try figure out why I was given what I was given on my own.  While the Cross is where the Love came to earth, Love didn't stay there, and neither can my relationship with Love.  The Cross is just the beginning!  It's like ending In Christ Alone  after the 'here in the death of Christ I stand' verse.
Gasp

He didn't die for me and stay dead, He rose and now while He prepares my home in Heaven, He left me with His Spirit.  He speaks with me, He mediates with the Father on my behalf, He cares what I'm up to and how I'm feeling.  He understands what I'm up to and how I'm feeling.  He's perfect, and yet He loves me enough to forgive me every time I hurt Him if I'll just ask.  He dries my tears, He picks me up, He laughs with me, He holds me.  That's why I want to live for Him.  Not only did my Savior die to save me, but He wants to walk with me so I'm never alone.  He promises to be here with me until I get to see Him face to face.  He has written me in the palm of His hand.  He delights in me, I'm His child.  He doesn't just want my decision to accept Him, He wants a relationship with me.

I'm rambling, but is this making sense?  Salvation isn't just about being saved from hell, it's about being saved from having to live a life without Jesus.  Eternal life with Jesus starts the day we take Him as our Savior.  To me, it's beautiful and incomprehensible.  Back to the Truth, back to Jesus.  Why?  Because He loves you with a love you've never known. 

 

Happy Fathers Day!

I've never known where the apostrophe is supposed to go with salutations like "Happy Mothers Day" or "Happy Fathers Day."  I bet my husband would know, that's one of the reasons I love my English-correcting German--here are the rest.

Andy is a special kind of father.  Where most of us are either called to career or home-life, Andy is beyond excellent at both.  He's one of the only men I know that can manage three boys under 5 while going to school full time and possessing unlimited understanding with all of the flexibility my career requires.  I need to be in Nevada for 5 days and then New Orleans for 4 and then I'm sorry but I have three events this week so I'll try and be home by bedtime to help if I can.  Does he ever complain?  Does he ever whine about all the responsibility that lands on his plate?  Nope!  He's a Dean's List honored, butt wiping boss.

Andy knows how to properly utilize caffeine.  He gets up and makes coffee and manages the day.  He doesn't require naps.  He then either makes more coffee or an energy mix from the gym and buckles up for school when I get home so he can finish whatever the boys didn't allow him to during the day.  Again, no complaining, just doing what's got to be done.  How does he do this?  Caffeine.

Andy is EVERYONE'S favorite.  Between being the "golden boy" of his family, the only reason my siblings visit, or the undisputed preferred parent- the party just isn't a party until Andy graces us all with his presence- and trust me, I'm jealous.  I TRY to entertain, I TRY to be funny, but people light up when Andy shows up, and he knows it. You won't find low self awareness on any list of Andy's attributes, but I love that too. 

Andy is an incredible cook.  The boys and I would survive on a menu of grilled cheese and Golden Grahams if it weren't for him.  My idea of 'trying extra hard' on a meal is Homestyle Mac & Cheese ... you know, the mac with the bread crumbs on top?  One time when my inlaws were on their way, I ordered 6 individual servings of pasta from Dominos and put it in a 9x13 pan in my cold oven so it would appear that I cooked something delicious-other than frozen lasagna.  Sorry Stauffer's, but they can tell.  Judge away, but if you ate something my mother in-law cooked or even Andy, you would be intimidated into such ridiculous antics too.  My mother in-law's dinners melt in your mouth, and Andy's are equally impressive.  It's gotten to where when he asks me for help in the kitchen I instantly get a little sweaty and shaky.  I'd rather present a new idea to a 40 year veteran purchasing agent then over-toast an English Muffin in La Kitchen De Andrew.  "Em, how long has that baby ravioli been cooking?" 
I panic. 
"Yes Chef! 
I mean.. no Chef! 
Somewhere between 2 and 11 minutes, Chef!"
He made eggs benedict last week completely out of scratch right down to the Hollandaise, and after he finished and we devoured it, he let me know that not only had he never even tried eggs benedict before, but he was also adding it to his monthly menu and calling it "Eggs Benny" from now on.  My best friends had a housewarming party last weekend and A called me to ask Andy could make a couple dips for it.  When I go to the grocery store he sends me pictures of the exact ingredients he's looking for so I don't accidently buy bagged sauerkraut again or pre-cooked brats.  He's nice about it, but I only go shopping with an entire text thread of pictures now.  I hit strike three in 2009 and never looked back.   Goodview Court is a yummy place to live, thanks to the man.

Andy's a big picture guy.  This is a quality I never would've thought of praying for in a husband, but God knew and I'm so very, very thankful.  We started dating at a young age, and we were 6 hours apart.  In all honesty, I figured at best we'd write a letter or two and fizzle out, but Andy knew what he wanted and could look farther down the road than most 16 year olds.  I remember writing a letter to him in December that year and saying that I couldn't believe we were staying in touch, his reply letter started with the line, "Really?  I knew that as long as you wanted to we'd be talking."  He also claims he told his cousin in 7th grade while meeting me at camp for a couple days that he would one day marry me.  I'm not sure that's big picture as much as creepily prophetic.  Either way it's adorable and I'm down.  Since then, we've faced trials including but not limited to- financial stresses where we skipped meals to feed our little Charlie and donated plasma to pay the electric bill, my unemployment, the dangerously early birth of all three of our children, the death of his grandfather, and my moving our whole family on the hopes that I could run a company with no construction experience.  Not once has he wavered, not once has he doubted.  When I feel like the entire world is crashing down he gently reminds me that God hasn't scheduled the destruction of the planet until after the 7 year tribulation, and we won't be here for that.  He will be that direct and matter-of-fact too, on account of the simple fact that Andy's German.

Andy's German.  This isn't my favorite thing about him, but it does come in handy, sometimes.  Other times, it's difficult--like when I want to win an argument or pick the radio station.  But, I knew this about him when I met him, and I like that he's strong.  So that's all I'm going to say about his being German...except that I'm really tired of pickled sausages and sauerkraut.  They stink and look completely disgusting.  There, I'm done.

This will surprise no one that knows him, but Andy's funny...hilarious, actually.  He can make anyone laugh anytime, and I'm his biggest fan.  He once told me (this may fall under the he's German category) that his favorite part about me is that I think he's funny.  It's true though!  He can have me belly-laughing after my hardest day over his impression of one of the boys, or his 'Yak' call.  He's been making me laugh with the yak call since 2005.  Ask him to do it sometime, you won't regret it.  He listens well, and he's very intuitive and observant and he'll make you laugh at yourself before you even realized you do the habit he's observed you doing.  One time I had to leave church because he told me that I involuntarily keep my head on a constant swivel as the worship starts because I like to see who's at church that day.  His impression was so funny that I walked out and completely skipped communion. 

Overall, I love my husband.  We're a team, we've only ever needed the Lord and each other to be okay or have a good time.  In years past, men were known solely as providers and protectors, and Andy is that but so much more.  He provides our family with the leadership and strength we need, and as cheesy as this sounds- I'm never afraid of what comes because I've got the God of the universe on my side, and He's given me someone on earth that takes the scariest things in life and makes them look like nothing compared to what we can handle. 

So- Happy Fathers day to all the fathers out there, but I win.  I have God, I have my wonderful earthly father, and I have a German I call my best friend.  Boom.
 

To Be A Mom

Happy Mother’s Day!  Here is my list of things you HAVE to do in order to be a mom.  Enjoy, and feel free to take notes.

To Be a Mom:

1.       You have to have a child.  It needs to come from inside your body, or you need to have adopted a child as your own.  Babysitting doesn’t count and neither does kidnapping.

2.      You have to accept that for the rest of your life, sleep is a luxury and not a right.  People will say it’s only while they're babies, or young children- but I have boys and I’m already up at night worried about the college versions of Charles, Lucas, and Sawyer.  I’m not kidding, last night I was concerning myself with whether or not Charlie would be the type that goes to bed with his composition homework done or tells himself that he’ll wake up extra early and finish then.  He’ll be 5 this July.

3.      You have to acknowledge that with every loving little face comes two elbows, two knees, a pee hole, and a butt.  From your pregnancy on you will be kicked and elbowed in places you didn’t know were vulnerable to another human.  When they’re born you’ll need to get real comfortable with being peed and pooped on.  It’s inevitable, so if you’re one of those easy gaggers- get ready to not be.

4.      You have to work on your patience….always.  You have to learn to be patient with your kids when they ask for the 7593^rd time if they can have a piece of gum or when they slam their head into your nose while throwing a tantrum.  You have to be patient with facebook friends as they tell you just how they did it and what they recommend to improve this positively rewarding parenting experience.  You have to be patient when you hear childless friends explaining how it’s just so frustrating to have a thunderstorm that only allowed them to sleep 7 hours last night.  Cut that amount of sleep in half and you would’ve been happy with that, but you can’t say that or you’re complaining…so be patient.  Their time will come.

5.      You have to take that idea of how perfect things will be and chuck it.  You thought it’d be fun to take the babies to the zoo and take pictures of them with the monkeys?  Wrong.  They hate animals.  And it’s hot out.  You’re now wishing you were in the monkey cage where it’s quieter.  Low expectations when it comes to Pinterest ideas with children are where you’ll find true satisfaction-success is always a bonus.

6.      You have to learn to juggle-physically and mentally.  Your hands used to be full with your purse and cell phone, now you can carry two babies, a diaper bag, a laptop, a purse, keys, and your phone all while opening a door and saving your older (but not smarter) child from eating old gum off the ground.  You used to make a target run when you were out of something.  Now unless it’s baby Tylenol you’re scheduling your target run after your husband has a break from class and the boys lay down for their 14 minute nap.  Juggling, Not Just for Clowns: A Documentary.

7.      You have to let yourself play, cuddle, nap, giggle, and take time for the little things.  I do a lot better with the twins on this than I did with Charles.  I had wanted the house in order before sitting down to play but I now see just how fast the time goes, and nothing balances the chaos of child raising like down-time with your child. Until you’re a parent this won’t make sense.  I babysat and entertained kids as a teen but never really enjoyed it until I looked in the little faces of my boys.  It’s just different.

8.      Finally, and I think this is one of the hardest but most important.   I’ve been a mom for almost 5 years, so I clearly know everything about motherhood- so lean in.  FORGIVE YOURSELF.  You’re not a perfect mom, and you never will be.  You should’ve spent more time with them as a baby, you should’ve been more patient when it came to late night feedings, you should’ve been more strict with tantrums.   These are just the 'small-child regrets!'  I know one day I'll screw up much worse, and I know one if not all of my boys will break my heart at some point and I'll take responsibility.  As I pointed out what my mother was doing all wrong when I was growing up my mom would always say being a mom is the guiltiest job there is.  It is, but a guilty mom isn’t the mom our kids need.  Love your babies, love their daddy.  Love God.  You’ll be alright. 

 

That’s it-I didn’t plan either of my pregnancies but I wouldn’t trade anything for the craziness that happens at Goodview Court....except for a llama farm, a good night sleep, or a body like Jennifer Aniston. 

Just kidding. 

Happy Mothers Day!

Hi. Here's what I do for a living. If you start reading please finish..if you stop too early it's depressing and you'll miss what God did. Thanks:)

Well hello there friend.  Old friend, new friend, girl friend, man friend, family friend, mutual friend, Facebook friend that I don't even know.  How are you today?  Doing well? Good, I'm glad.
I'd like to share with you, dear friend, what I do for a living.  I spend the majority of my life working, and being that I started at an even more impressionable age, my career has greatly shaped who I am.  That may not sound pretty or motherly or domestic, but it's true, so I'm very sorry but you'll need to get over it.  Bless your heart.

As most of you know, for a while I wanted to be a professional musician.  My husband and I put a lot of money and I put a lot of time into trying to make it happen.  I was out in Nashville, my husband was in Minnesota, and the money was only running one way...out.  Every time things were looking promising, something happened and it fell through.  I guess you would normally call that 'God shutting a door'- but God knows my very stubborn heart and so He knows that shutting a door rarely stops me from forcing my will over His.  I'm convinced that instead, He gives it a good SLAM, and then digs through his drawer labeled 'Emma Never Listens' for yet another iron padlock so I don't try and weasel my way back through.  It hurts to have doors slammed on me, but even more to know that the slam is what it took to get my tunnel vision to open up a bit.  It's unfortunate, and it's painfully humbling. 

When music didn't pan out, we found ourselves in debt and I was without direction.  I was back at the bank with my tail between my legs and let's just say the paychecks weren't touching the interest on the loans.  Things were looking even more bleak when I lost my job at Wells Fargo and Andy was only working part time while incurring more student loan debt, oh, I mean----getting an education.  Go America.  I decided to look for something completely different.  I was all done with Fortune 500 companies and corporate balooey.  I had worked on several insurance claims with some of my mortgage clients at the bank because of a storm that went through my area, and I came into contact with a lot of local contractors in the process.  As I applied for jobs, I kept thinking about the contractors I'd come to know.  I had no background whatsoever but it was different, and I couldn't speak construction- but heck if I couldn't learn. 

I applied and experienced complete culture shock when I was hired and found myself working in Tennessee a couple weeks later.  I'm the girl that needs to google how to work a coffee dispenser.  I appreciate that you're giving me the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not referring to a Keurig- I'm talking one of those twisty top thermos deals they give you at IHOP.  My mom and my husband know the struggle is real for me and they still love me... so I'm over it.  Can't change, can only learn.  Anyway, being in Tennessee and not playing my guitar was tough, talk about that slammed door leaving a mark on my cheek.  I was there for three weeks and came back feeling even more defeated.  In Tennessee, however, I met someone who had owned a construction company all his working life.  He was a little older than my dad and had looked to retire but was deciding instead to start building his company up again.  He offered me a sales position, and after some time working with the original contractor I applied with as well as the new one, I jumped in with both feet.  I drove my little old car from my townhouse in Sartell to the office in southern Lakeville- it was about an hour and a half each way without traffic, and double that with it.  (see previous 'Confessions of a Driveaholic' post)  I left at around 4am every morning and would sleep in the office parking lot if traffic hadn't been terrible.  I would get home around 8pm and spend whatever time I could with Andy and Charlie before passing out.  Andy was working and being a full time dad, and our family made sacrifices we didn't want to, but I'll always be thankful for Andy's faith and trust while we took a giant leap with no idea where we would land.

After some time, the owner of the company presented an opportunity I could never have expected.  He wanted to know if I wanted to be a partner.  It would be split down the middle, and I'd make my own terms.  I still don't know exactly what he saw in me at that point except that he knew I was a hard worker and was willing to do what it took to provide for my family.  I read roofing and siding books, I put myself through training, and I taught myself to do the company's accounting.  It wasn't quick or easy, and years later I'm still learning about my industry daily, but I've always been happy to learn.  I invited myself to important meetings and tried to follow conversations that didn't make sense at the time.  I wore false confidence like it was my only clean bra, but I didn't have a choice.  I was a 21 year old girl in a man's world.  Earning respect was and is more than difficult in my industry.  The industry will eat you alive, it's vicious and jaded and cold-  you better be tougher than it or it'll spit you out; it doesn't care if you're a young woman or an experienced man, I've seen it happen.

So all that to say- this is what I do, and it turns out it's my calling.  My natural bossiness has found its place.  My job consists of selling myself and my company to both commercial and residential builders, and development companies and associations.  My salesman do a wonderful job selling to homeowners and association boards.  My project managers supervise my 38 crews in the field as they install roofing and siding for the biggest builders in the country, right down to Mike Mussman's house from K102 radio.  I also manage scheduling for all my crews and builders, and I run the books and payroll along with every day office management.  We've just purchased a new office building to provide much needed space as we continue to grow, and I've enjoyed getting settled in there.  My company doesn't slow down all year long and in the winter and spring I travel to different parts of the country and attend functions put on by my suppliers and other vendors.  I meet with local committees for several projects all over the Midwest  and stay very involved in local associations supporting the building industry such as BATC and NARI.  Sometimes I'm in the field checking things out in work boots and a hard hat and sometimes I'm in a fancy dress eating veal on a rooftop in Vegas.  I never turn my phone off, and I never ignore a call- there's a lot of stress and many days I've wondered how I'll even get through, but responsibility and integrity are what have helped us grow to be one of the top three exterior companies in the state for volume.  I work a lot, I'm away from my family more than I want, but I also have the flexibility of being there when need be without having to haggle with a boss about what's important.  It's hard, the hardest job I have ever or will ever have- I am a contractor and though it's not girly or glamorous most the time, I'm a proud one at that. 

I think it's so strange how we think we have ourselves figured out when we're younger.  We let the expectations of the only environment we know shape our futures and set our standards.  I thought of myself as a teacher, or at one point a singer, and if you would've told me I would be looking at a blueprint of the Viking's new stadium with the chief architects I would've told you that you were loco en la cabeza.  We've since moved to Lakeville and we bought a house.  We're currently planning to build nearby on some land if God allows, and add the house we're in now to our rentals.  In my industry, we're market based so we don't take anything for granted and I realize everything we're given is a blessing.  Thanks to God's grace we've been able to pay off our debt and save for the future- and when we look back to donating plasma after work to feed Charles, it only points to a God that knows when to slam a door on a stubborn struggling musician so he can open a better better one.  Praise Him.

Shoe Beets and Miss Shee-lia

Well hello!   

It’s been a while- and even short periods of time seem to mean a lot of change with the Helmers of Goodview Ct.  Where to begin?  Charlie is four and half and he’s just started pre-school.  I knew there would be challenges that accompanied sending our first baby to school, I just never could have foreseen how hard his little head could be, even with new people in charge.  I’m sure he gets it from his mama, and I’m sure I deserve it- but poor Charles truly believes what is or  isn’t is decided by what he says it is or isn’t.  For instance, he does not give two little hoots if the rest of the world holds a pencil one way, he’ll hold it his own ridiculously inefficient way and that’s that.  His C’s look like O’s and his A’s look like a stick figure, but the boy never stops praising himself for such impeccable penmanship, and who do I think I am if I don’t agree?  Also, it’s no skin off his nose if the world refers to small sweet round cakes with frosting as cupcakes- but he calls them pancakes…so they’re pancakes.  “Thirteen, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen.”  That’s good Charlie but you forgot fifteen.  “No I didn’t.  You know I don’t like fifteen.”  On top of that, he absolutely refuses to call his teacher by her correct name- Miss Shiela.  As far as Charlie’s concerned, she is ‘Miss Sheel-ia.’  He says it’s a better name.  A couple of weeks ago, ‘ Miss Sheel-ia’  sent home a project where Charlie had to fill in the names of his four closest friends.  I was so excited to see who he’d bonded with at school, but I should’ve known better than to get my hopes up.  He listed his best friends as: Luke the Duke, Soy-Bean, George, and Poop.  Before you assume too much about sweet George, keep in mind that George is Charlie’s imaginary friend that lives in the drawer in our upstairs bathroom with his brothers ‘extra toothbrush one’ and ‘extra toothbrush two.’

Deep breath mama. 

He’s giving us a run for our money at home too.  I asked him to eat his vegetables after his sandwich one Saturday afternoon and I handed him the pouch veggies we’ve been getting for the boys.  Luke and Sawyer love them and they’re pretty easy- you just squeeze the pouch and the blended veggies squirt right out in their mouths.  He was excited to try a new one, but showed up in the bathroom I was cleaning not a minute later.  “I don’t like this mama.  It tastes like shoes.”  I looked at him and told him to try three more squeezes and if he still didn’t like it, he could be done.  He stared at me for a moment, and complied.  Normally that’s more of a fight so I proudly added a tally to my very, very small victory column.  I continued to clean the mirror when I hear Charlie from the kitchen.  “Eeeeeeeeeeew.” Pause.  “Yuuuuuuuuuck.”  Pause.  “Ygluuuuuuuckyyyyy…..  I’m done!”  I felt a little guilty for making him eat something he clearly hated and told him he could have a banana with peanut butter for listening so well, which he gladly accepted with a big smile.  I thought nothing else of the pouch.  That night at supper, my grandparents were over visiting and we sat and talked after we finished eating.  My grandma brought up a topic related to vegetables and I began to commend my four year old on eating the beets he didn’t like without arguing.  Before I could finish my rendition of the story, Charlie stopped me.  “Oh mom,” he said with a condescending tone.  “I didn’t eat those shoe beets.  I squirted those babies right in the trash.”  I sat there, shocked that I’d been had by my son.  He cocked his head just a little to the side and gave his best I pity you smile.  Before I could speak, Charlie looked back at his plate and mumbled under his breath, “ I told the woman I didn’t like those things,” and then turned to my Grandpa and explained quietly, “They taste just like shoes.”

 

Deep breath mama. 

Having twins is more fun with each day.  They’re are growing and changing by the hour it seems.  Luke is still his daddy’s little buddy and is more than content to snuggle as long as Andy has time to hold him in the evenings.  Luke’s biggest hurdle at this point is that it seems he still doesn’t know if his name is Luke or Sawyer.  He’s so soft hearted and goes into a state of complete devastation every time Andy or I get after Sawyer for misbehaving.  Sawyer doesn’t give a rat’s rear-end when he’s in trouble, and we usually spend the next several minutes consoling Luke for Sawyer’s crime.  Both boys are walking and though the living room is overwhelmed with every toy imaginable- the only things they seem to be interested in are separated plastic easter eggs and the forbidden remote controls.  Though there’s not much rest involved, I do believe this stage is my favorite of having little ones so far.  They smile, they giggle, they wake up happy, they eat well, and they can get wherever they need to within the safe confines of the kennel of course.  Sawyer is his usual boundary pushing, curious self and he brings a totally different dynamic to our family.  He’s pure bone and muscle, and his long hair and brown eyes intrigue even strangers at the grocery store.  He may be covered in scars, but he’s one of the most inspiring human beings I know, and he’s only 20 lbs.  I’m sure later on he’ll be the one to give us fits, but I really believe that Sawyer will do great things, and keep us entertained along the way.  He’s got a thing for violence, but hopefully he’ll grow out of that.

Deep breath mama.

All in all, things are great- God watches closely over our home on Goodview Court and we're very blessed to watch our crazy boys learn and grow each day.  I'll try and update more often, thanks for reading yall!  Much love :)